a not too happy crappy story

Acidman is running a carnival of the crappers, so maybe a shitty
story can be my ticket to being linked by other blogs. (can you say
instacoonass?) Here's my entry:

I was working on a drilling rig in colombia, and I apparently ate
something that didn't agree with me because I started with full
on diarrea. It got so bad that when I tried to drink some cold
water to replace all the fluids I was losing, I crapped it out 2 minutes
later, still cold. This was really bad because I was supposed to fly
back to Bogota the next day, then fly to Dubai, and I was afraid to
move more than 5 feet from a toilet.

I finally ate enough immodium that I corked up and I flew back to town.
The next day I had a 10 hour flight on lufthansa to germany, then
7 hours to dubai. Stupid me, I forgot my precious immodium pills. I
was in the middle of 5 seats, so at the precise moment the seat belt
sign went off I had to dash to the bathroom, and I could hear the little
german kid next to me say something like "der fatguy has der
shitenkopfs", and then start laughing.

After 10 hours of this (I hold the lufthansa record for time spent in
bathroom), I'm trying to get my stuff and get off the plane, and when I
opened the overhead my computer bag slides out and lands right in the
seat where the little german kid was sitting. Luckily he was standing up,
so I didn't crush him with my 10 pound IBM, the little kid says something
like "der fattenshittenguy crushenmeheaden" and there were all these angry
aryan looks all around me. Luckily, I got away and found out to my relief that
the german word for pharmacy is kemist, and the german word for
immodium is immodium.

I finally did make it to dubai, where I thought I was going to get to sleep
for 20 hours, instead I had to ride to abu dhabi, and sit in the least
productive meeting I've ever been in. Everyone else was discussing
moving equipment, and all I could think of was (homervoice) hmm,
clean bathrooms (homervoice off)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The other side of Porkbusters, the people who need pork

Here in Alaska the governor is discussing a PR campaign would attempt to tell the rest of the US that Alaska is not just a consumer of Federal money, and it would "tell Alaska's story": (from a column by Beth Bragg) The governor wants to "tell Alaska's story" to the Lower 48 so folks down there have a better idea of what it's like up here. The goal is to end the ridicule we've been so good at inspiring lately, what with our bridges to you-know-where and our desire to drill for oil in a wildlife refuge. The thinking goes like this: If we can educate the critics with pictures of a desolate ANWR and defuse the comedians with pictures of a serene and congenial Ted Stevens, then we can move on to our ultimate goal, which is building bridges to you-know-where and drilling for oil in a wildlife refuge. Or as the Governor actually said: "Alaska does not just take. We give, and we have the capacity to give much, much more -- if permitted to do so,&
Read more

Haditha slant in the press

Image
There's not much actual information out in the press about what really happened in Haditha, but most of what has come out is highly slanted against the marines. The only data point I've seen is an interview with the lance corporal who survived the initial IED explosion. Here's a summary of the interview here: (RHCP) (video here ) Again, here's a summary of the salient facts that Crossan related: 1) The Marines knew there was going to be an attack on the command outpost, which would explain the high degree of suspicion about the Iraqi's in a taxi that first refused to stop, then ran away from them. 2) There was an IED attack on his humvee, and a squad was sent in 3) Insurgents began firing on the Marines almost immediately. 4) He's not claiming to have witnessed anything. The first slant that has already been pointed out in several places (hotair), is in the times online from london, where they grabbed one quote from Corporal Crossan , “were blinded by ha
Read more

Offshore blogging again

Image
I had to zip offshore yesterday at the last minute, changing my tranquil sunday at home to a mad dash to the dock, then a four hour crew boat ride to the rig. Not too bad of a ride, I only reached the nasty salivating feeling before we arrived at the rig, it sucks when the high point of the evening is not puking. I stayed out on the back deck most of the time since I won't get sick if I can see the horizon and not smell that boat smell of lysol/oldpuke/diesel fuel that inhabits the inside of the boat. It was a pretty clear night, and the only lights were the lights of rigs and production platform as we cruised past, so I had a clear view of the big dipper and the north star and I willed those two pointer stars to move faster around and speed up time. Apparently there is a meteor shower for this part of the month, because I saw one fall, but it didn't look real, more like a reflection off of metal into my eyes. The next meteorite was more emphatic, maybe even a fireball, b
Read more