Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Long trip home

I finally made it home
this week, I got my chance
to ride in the storm tossed
seas, feel the fresh cool sea
breeze, and puke my guts
out until I strained so hard
I reached that runny-nose
weeping eyes point you
normally don't reach until
after commenting "I've
never drunk this much
tequila before".

I knew it was going to be
a rough ride when the crane operator looked visibly nervous about being
able to set us down safely on the boat in the turbulant seas. He reviewed
the procedure about three times, which is about 3 times more than anyone
had ever discussed the procedure for getting onto a boat via personnel
basket before.

We were unloaded safely on the boat as the deck rolled sharply from
side to side, and it seemed pretty rough, about a "7" on the "o-shit" scale.
The captain didn't make me feel any better when he announced, "I hope
y'all don't have dates tonight, it's too rough to go fast, we'll take about
12 hours to get to galveston." O-shit meter jumped immediately to 9.

I tried everything to avoid getting sick. I could normally just go on the
back deck and feel better, but it was dark and I had to brace myself
just to stay lying safely on my bench seat, so going out on the back deck
had a definite risk of death by drowning. My other tricks were to think
of something else....old movies...check...favorite books...check...
sexual fantasies...check check.

Nothing worked. I started with the salivation, slight nausea, and then
a break for the bathroom, or as the sailors call it, "the head". It's called
the head because that's probably what spends the most time in the
toilet. It's bad enough puking when you're drunk, and the toilet is
level in the sober-centered coordinate system. But on a boat being
tossed, the toilet is actually spinning and jumping, not just appearing
to spin.

It's cool to revisit what was eaten in past 12 hours...beef corn peas...
ice cream...diet sprite...I didn't eat that...

I finally reached the point where I couldn't puke anymore without
serious damage, and it was daylight and not as rough so I could venture
outside. I took the above picture of the boat's wake, and sat and basked
in the meager warmth of the sun amidst the frigid wind. Of course I
got one of the worst sunburns of my life...

Luckily the conservative cajun Nick pointed out in a post that valentines
is bunch of bunk...I showed up at home empty handed, sick and sunburnt
and said "be mine".

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